


I want things to be normal.

by rocket_pop



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Minor Violence, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:34:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26096443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rocket_pop/pseuds/rocket_pop
Summary: In which Sapnap falls for his best friend.
Relationships: Clay | Dream & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 15
Kudos: 166





	I want things to be normal.

Sapnap hadn't meant to fall as hard as he did for his best friend.

It was ridiculous, he thought. He knew that Dream would never like him back because not only was he straight, but because Sapnap was just a friend to him. He didn't want things to change between them. As much as he wanted to get himself out of the hole he was in before it would become impossible to find his way out, he couldn't find it in him to stop. It was addicting, the butterflies in his stomach felt like something he couldn't bear to go without. He wanted to grasp onto the feelings and hold onto them for as long as he could; the ones that made him blush every time he made his best friend laugh, the ones that made him want to stay up late to talk to Dream, the ones that made him feel special. It was unfair, he thinks. How was he not supposed to fall for him when he would flirt with him so often, when he told him how much he wanted to spend the rest of his life with him, or when he told Sapnap that he was beautiful. He was already far too deep to crawl his way back up, so he let himself fall further. He thinks it was fun at first, the warmth that spread throughout his body blinded him, to a point where sometimes he could pretend that Dream liked him back. Sapnap liked those moments, where he could pretend that everything would be okay when he stopped falling and hit the ground. He could smile and act like the injuries would be worth it. Sometimes he wanted to take the floor beneath Dream's feet and have him fall with him, but Sapnap couldn't do that. Sapnap wasn't selfish. He let himself sit with the feelings he had, never letting anyone else in on it. It was a secret that he knew would change so much, so he kept it to himself.

That is, until it wasn't a secret anymore. He didn't mean to let it out, he knew he wasn't built to deal with the pain of rejection. Yet, the words still managed to force their way out one night when they had been on call together.

"You.. you like me?" It was a mistake, Sapnap knew that. But he couldn't stop now, lying wouldn't help either of them. The ground never felt so close when he spoke.

  
"I- yeah I do. I really like you man," his voice came out shaky. The call goes quiet and he could feel his chest tighten and his eyes sting as he waits for his friend to respond. It’s like his body is bracing itself for impact. He needs Dream to say something, the silence is scaring him.

"Sapnap..." his best friend trails off, he seems lost for words.

"I think I like you too," he says. Sapnap ignores the uncertainty in his voice. He feels like he's on fire, he doesn't think he's ever been this lucky in his life. To have someone like Dream like him back felt too good to be true. Like the stars have aligned for him and he can't help but feel grateful. He never hits the ground, instead he manages to fall ever further. He thinks it gets worse when they start dating. It was scary to be so vulnerable around someone he used to be able to tell anything. It's a shift he hadn't expected, but he figures that's the way these kinds of things work. He's never been in a relationship with someone he's cared about so much. It's the reason why the constant feeling that it could all go away hanging over his head was that much more daunting. He didn't like how sensitive he could be over these types of things, but he couldn't help it. He thinks the weight of keeping a secret that big being lifted off his shoulders makes it better. All the kisses, the cuddles, the late night conversations where they just held each other close, made it better. Saying "I love you" all the time became normal, and it filled Sapnap with a type of buzz he hadn't ever felt before. It makes him happy. Being with Dream makes him feel like he's in a constant state of bliss. With him, he could forget about everything else in their lives. He could forget about the stress of college, or feeling like he doesn't have any direction in his life and Dream could forget about his parents.

"It's like us against the world, like is that the plan?" Sapnap's voice is soft, like he didn't want anyone else to listen in on the intimate conversation they were having. They were sitting on the roof of his parents house when they were out of town. The stars are out tonight, the usual clouds are gone and Dream was focusing on the constellations. Sapnap was too busy looking at Dream's face to notice the stars, he likes how his freckles look in the moonlight. Dream doesn't look away from the sky when he lets out a breathy laugh.

"Yeah," he meets his eyes before continuing, "that's always been the plan Sapnap."

He's falling so hard he doesn't even notice the ground until he hits it.

He doesn't understand the change, but it happens. It’s subtle at first, Dream just shied away from his physical affection, always laughing it off whenever Sapnap would try. He wouldn’t hold his hand in public anymore. It was like he was embarrassed to be seen as a couple, it made Sapnap confused. He had been fine with it before, so what changed? He didn’t like thinking badly of anyone that he was close with, much less his boyfriend, so he brushed it off as him being nervous about displaying their relationship for the whole world to see. But it didn’t stop there. Dream was now avoiding him, and it was painfully obvious. They didn't talk much, most of their conversations being on the phone instead of in person. Sapnap decides to ignore it. He's known his partner for so long he thinks that he can pick up on his patterns. He decides to believe Dream when he says he's busy, because he thinks that Dream just needed space like everyone sometimes does. He decides not to push it when it lasts longer than he expected, convincing himself Dream was just in a mood. It was easier than admitting that Dream and him didn't do any of the things that made the relationship feel so special. He didn't want to acknowledge the fact that Dream was drifting away and that he couldn't do anything to make him stay. He didn't want to believe that this was in some way his fault, but it happens anyway. He wasn't good enough for Dream, he was probably way too boring or maybe he changed himself during the time they were dating. He wanted things to feel normal. He wanted not only his boyfriend back, but his friend too. With the way things were, he knew things would never be normal again. He's never felt this stressed before, Sapnap has never cried so much before. He hates crying, and he hates how Dream won't talk to him. It's not even to the point where he can ignore it, he wants to see him in person so they can at least talk things out. At this point, he didn't know how to. Dream wasn't even bothering to respond to his texts anymore. It felt like a bad breakup except they never technically broke up. It made Sapnap fill with hot anger, just bubbling below the surface.

The anger didn't cease when he saw Dream in public for the first time. It had been by complete coincidence, they were both outside a convenience store. Seeing him again reminds him of all the lies and false promises Dream had made him. It creates a burning in his chest. The fire is back, but it’s not warming him. The butterflies he used to feel turn to daggers. Sapnap's body moves on its own and before he knows it, his fist collides with Dream's jaw. He lets out all of the anger, the sadness, all the hurt that he had been feeling onto Dream. Sapnap was never a violent person but in the moment he didn't hold back. He let his fist hit his boyfriend, he loses count of how many times, he had only one thing on his mind. He wanted Dream to feel all the pain that he had felt throughout the past two months. He wanted him to know that he was angry, he wanted him to feel guilty. He wanted him to bleed. He wanted closure, and this was the only way he knew how to get it. He wanted an explanation, but he knew he wasn't getting that. He wanted Dream to hit him back instead of just laying there and taking it. He needed something to show for all the emotional pain he had, he wanted to feel it too. He hates how he looks just laying there, looking up at Sapnap with sadness in his eyes. He's not supposed to be the sad one right now. Sapnap didn't realize that he had been yelling until he felt the ache in his throat. He also didn't notice that he had been crying until he saw Dream's sweatshirt getting wet. It scares him how out of control he felt. He gets pulled off of Dream from someone he doesn't know, he doesn't care to look back when he hears him talk for the first time.

"I'm sorry."

Sapnap wished that he could walk back and accept his apology, that they could cry together and talk it all out.

Sapnap wished it was 9 months ago when they were just friends.

Sapnap wishes he never confessed to Dream.

He hit the ground, and the fall broke his heart.

**Author's Note:**

> i may or may not be running out of ideas, so requests are very welcome, writing is a good distraction from everything going on so i'd be willing to write something so long as i have a good idea for it :> anyways dreamnap rights


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